theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
