Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
