I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You've changed since you got that strap on
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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