There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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