Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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