i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I love you. Go after that dick
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
