walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
