my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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