i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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