I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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