She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
