i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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