i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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