Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
