real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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