hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And then he peed in my hair
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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