he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
