Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize