Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
