24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
