why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
