Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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