I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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