i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
