i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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