I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
