i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
