I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
