I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
