if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
