she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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