he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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