Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
