i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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