So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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