whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
