i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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