SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
