Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
