Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
