Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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