He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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