I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
