I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
