By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
