What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
