So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
