When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
