Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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