that's an acceptable place to lick
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
