so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize