having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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