What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
