I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
