put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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