he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
