So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
