You're my little dorito
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
