Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
