glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
