I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
