so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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