I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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