If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
