i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
